Churchgoers With Humor Gifts

'That ISN'T the way to keep the Mass to an hour.'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

Finger puppets in church.

"Are you sure it's okay for cardinals to live at a Protestant church?"

"Collections were down. We had to get creative."

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

"Hello Mr. Wibley. I haven't seen you in church lately!"

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

Church restrooms

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Minister Starts at a New Church

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

'I'm interested in being born again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.'

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

Eucharist

"Instagram . . . weAPPon of mass distraction."

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

"There's someone sleeping in my pew, and she's still there!"

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

Excommunicate Me.

'It's a devil to start on these damp November Sunday mornings - luckily we have a sidesman who works for the AA.'