Church Humorists Gifts

'-and now a prayer for the roof fund...'

'I appreciate you enthusiasm...but please stop doing the Wave.'

'I'm new here-where are all the nuns?'

"We've got a vacancy for a church mouse, if you're interested?"

Today's sermon: 'Do sin taxes violate the seperation of church & state?'

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

'If Jesus died to forgive our sins, the least we can do is commit a few.'

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

Monk Prompt

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Giving Things Up For Lent.

How's my sermon. . .

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

'Even More Disciples'

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

The ten ammendments

Bishops Snooker

The Sleeping Congregation.

"...and in conclusion..."

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

Finger puppets in church.

Church restrooms

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

Minister Starts at a New Church

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'