Church Comedians Gifts

'I'm praying for foam kneelers.'

'That was the longest infomercial I've ever seen.'

'Maybe we need to clarify the scripture about making a joyful noise.'

Notice on back of bishop's gown - How's My Droving.

Support group for sheep.

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Monk Prompt

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

How's my sermon. . .

Bishops Snooker

The ten ammendments

"...and in conclusion..."

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

The Sleeping Congregation.

'Even More Disciples'

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

Applause

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

'Great escapism, Reverend!'

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

Delivery of Sermon within 30 minutes or your second one's FREE!

Today's sermon: 'Do sin taxes violate the seperation of church & state?'

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

How's my Sermon . . .

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

'I enjoyed the deviled ham, the deviled eggs and the devil's food cake, but we need a menu more in tune with our mission.'

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

'I appreciate you enthusiasm...but please stop doing the Wave.'