Church Comedians Gifts

'I'm praying for foam kneelers.'

'That was the longest infomercial I've ever seen.'

'Maybe we need to clarify the scripture about making a joyful noise.'

Notice on back of bishop's gown - How's My Droving.

"I didn't say, 'Simon says'..."

For those who think Christmas midnight mass is at 10pm. . . Father has left shovels for you to clear the snow from the parking lot for those of us who will be attending the midnight mass beginning at MIDNIGHT!

Support group for sheep.

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

Monk Prompt

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

How's my sermon. . .

"...and in conclusion..."

Bishops Snooker

'Even More Disciples'

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

The ten ammendments

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

The Sleeping Congregation.

'Nice try, but Disneyland isn't a foreign mission.'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

Applause

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

How's my Sermon . . .

Delivery of Sermon within 30 minutes or your second one's FREE!

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

Today's sermon: 'Do sin taxes violate the seperation of church & state?'

'Great escapism, Reverend!'

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'