Church Comedy Gifts

'Federal Express has a new service - delivery from evil by 10.30am, weekdays and Saturdays.'

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Monk Prompt

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

How's my sermon. . .

Bishops Snooker

The ten ammendments

"...and in conclusion..."

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

The Sleeping Congregation.

'Even More Disciples'

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

Church restrooms

Finger puppets in church.

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

Minister Starts at a New Church

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

Applause

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

Eucharist

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'