Church Comedy Lover Gifts

'Nice try, but Disneyland isn't a foreign mission.'

Frankenstein's Monster in Church - "Welcome friends to the Church of the Born Again Christians,"

'Well, well -- this IS a surprise witness!'

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

Monk Prompt

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

How's my sermon. . .

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

'Even More Disciples'

"...and in conclusion..."

Bishops Snooker

The ten ammendments

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

The Sleeping Congregation.

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

Church restrooms

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

Finger puppets in church.

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

Minister Starts at a New Church

Applause

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

'Great escapism, Reverend!'