Church Service Humorist Gifts

'I think I can speak for the Bishop, when I say...'

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Monk Prompt

Giving Things Up For Lent.

How's my sermon. . .

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

The Sleeping Congregation.

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

Bishops Snooker

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

'Even More Disciples'

"...and in conclusion..."

The ten ammendments

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

Church restrooms

Finger puppets in church.

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

Minister Starts at a New Church

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

Applause

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

Eucharist