Church Humor Aficionado Pillows

'Good. Now, make a generous offering without expecting anything in return.'

Auto Mechanic's Confessional Booth

Next on Newsnight: the Catholic Church confesses to us....

Pope Benedict - Big Changes.

"You have to admire Percy. He never forgets his working class roots."

"Say-y-y, this stuff could be made into a terrific mini-series."

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

Monk Prompt

How's my sermon. . .

'Even More Disciples'

Bishops Snooker

The Sleeping Congregation.

The ten ammendments

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

"...and in conclusion..."

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

Church restrooms

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

Finger puppets in church.

"Collections were down. We had to get creative."

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Minister Starts at a New Church

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'