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'It's very inflammed. Why don't you take a vow of silence for a few days?'

"First, you have to get their attention."

"What do you think of the new offering bucket Preacher?"

"Put some spiritual food in there."

Geoffrey Fisher

Even though all of the positions were filled, Herman was convinced that his calling was to be an usher - somehow, someway.

While he agreed it had been a particularly good sermon, Harold the sound engineer would have preferred that Pastor Nigel had not concluded it with a mic drop.

"Any more of that 'cast out the devil' talk and I'll do you for hate crime."

Community Church. . . Back Rubs

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Monk Prompt

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

How's my sermon. . .

Bishops Snooker

The Sleeping Congregation.

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

'Even More Disciples'

"...and in conclusion..."

The ten ammendments

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

Finger puppets in church.

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

Church restrooms

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

Minister Starts at a New Church

Applause

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'