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Basketball Hoop on the Suggestion Box

"It's the new church organ."

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Monk Prompt

How's my sermon. . .

The Sleeping Congregation.

"...and in conclusion..."

'Even More Disciples'

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

Bishops Snooker

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

The ten ammendments

'Nice try, but Disneyland isn't a foreign mission.'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

Finger puppets in church.

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

Church restrooms

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

Minister Starts at a New Church

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

Applause

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

Eucharist

How's my Sermon . . .

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."