Trendsetting Worshipper Gifts

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

Sunbathing in Autumn

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Marilyn's Rushmore

Vishnu playing twin neck guitar.

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

"You know, Father, they say the Old Testament is the new New Testament."

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

Jennifer Aniston

'Remember you are dust bunny and to dust bunny you shall return.'

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

TV and man

"He's so happy it's finally sunny and warm, he's been standing out here like that for hours."

". . . and don't forget to like and subscribe to my channel. Amen."

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

Church Sign Asks If You Are Prepared for Digital Conversion.

'No, we can never actually see the big cartoonist, but he's everywhere.'

Church Parking

"Finished feeding the 5000. What do you want to do with the left over fish?"

'It's been a mad house ever since the image of Elvis was seen on the wall after I primed it.'

"If God wanted me to go to church he wouldn't have put football on Sundays."

'I know you haven't seen me.. your last sermon was so good, it lasted me an entire year!'

"Things have been pretty quiet around here since folks started worshipping online."

Sunday sermon: 'Dearly beloved, restore our faith in the almighty dollar.'

"Fantastic service, lousy food."

Sermon about 20 minutes

'As a professional discount, I require you to say only two hail Marys.'

"Let us bow our heads, turn off our cell phones, and pray."

'A group of Jennifer Lopez's fans want us to make her a saint!' 'Really? A halo of J-Lo?'

Collection plate at church with signs of the credit cards the church will take.