Whimsical Worshipper Gifts

"Finished feeding the 5000. What do you want to do with the left over fish?"

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Vishnu playing twin neck guitar.

Drive-thru Church

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

'It's a statue of St. Francis of Assisi. I had it specially made for my hospital.'

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

"Sosa's great, but McGwire is my hero."

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

Church Sign Asks If You Are Prepared for Digital Conversion.

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

Church Parking

'I know you haven't seen me.. your last sermon was so good, it lasted me an entire year!'

"If God wanted me to go to church he wouldn't have put football on Sundays."

Sunday sermon: 'Dearly beloved, restore our faith in the almighty dollar.'

Sermon about 20 minutes

"Fantastic service, lousy food."

'As a professional discount, I require you to say only two hail Marys.'

'Mom! Can my role model stay for dinner? He's suspended for three games and has nowhere to go.'

"She's a natural,apparently she still believes in faries and Santa Claus!"

Dapper clown.

'Pastor, 'confirmed' means we only have to attend church on Christmas and Easter, right?'

Man salutes as cat walks in.