Playful Worshipper Gifts

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Vishnu playing twin neck guitar.

Drive-thru Church

'I don't think we're devoted to the Lord. I think we're devoted to dessert.'

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

Two men in T-shirts, one shirt says Jesus loves me, the other Jesus loves me more.

"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."

Fitness in church.

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

TV and man

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

Church Sign Asks If You Are Prepared for Digital Conversion.

Jesus the comedian.

Church Parking

"Finished feeding the 5000. What do you want to do with the left over fish?"

'I know you haven't seen me.. your last sermon was so good, it lasted me an entire year!'

"If God wanted me to go to church he wouldn't have put football on Sundays."

'As a professional discount, I require you to say only two hail Marys.'

"Fantastic service, lousy food."

Sunday sermon: 'Dearly beloved, restore our faith in the almighty dollar.'

Sermon about 20 minutes

"Let us bow our heads, turn off our cell phones, and pray."

'Pastor, 'confirmed' means we only have to attend church on Christmas and Easter, right?'