Playful Worshipper Gifts

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Vishnu playing twin neck guitar.

Marilyn's Rushmore

Drive-thru Church

'I don't think we're devoted to the Lord. I think we're devoted to dessert.'

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

Jennifer Aniston

Two men in T-shirts, one shirt says Jesus loves me, the other Jesus loves me more.

"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."

'Remember you are dust bunny and to dust bunny you shall return.'

Fitness in church.

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

TV and man

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

Church Sign Asks If You Are Prepared for Digital Conversion.

Jesus the comedian.

'No, we can never actually see the big cartoonist, but he's everywhere.'

Church Parking

"I didn't say, 'Simon says'..."

"Finished feeding the 5000. What do you want to do with the left over fish?"

'It's been a mad house ever since the image of Elvis was seen on the wall after I primed it.'

"If God wanted me to go to church he wouldn't have put football on Sundays."

'I know you haven't seen me.. your last sermon was so good, it lasted me an entire year!'

'As a professional discount, I require you to say only two hail Marys.'

"Let us bow our heads, turn off our cell phones, and pray."

'A group of Jennifer Lopez's fans want us to make her a saint!' 'Really? A halo of J-Lo?'

Sermon about 20 minutes

"Fantastic service, lousy food."

Sunday sermon: 'Dearly beloved, restore our faith in the almighty dollar.'

Collection plate at church with signs of the credit cards the church will take.