Casual Worshipper Gifts

"If God wanted me to go to church he wouldn't have put football on Sundays."

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

Sunbathing in Autumn

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Vishnu playing twin neck guitar.

Marilyn's Rushmore

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

Jennifer Aniston

'Remember you are dust bunny and to dust bunny you shall return.'

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

TV and man

"He's so happy it's finally sunny and warm, he's been standing out here like that for hours."

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

'What did you say? 'The light is nothing but an ordinary streetlamp'? Oh no! My own son is an atheist??!'

Church Sign Asks If You Are Prepared for Digital Conversion.

'No, we can never actually see the big cartoonist, but he's everywhere.'

Church Parking

"Finished feeding the 5000. What do you want to do with the left over fish?"

'Am I going to church - I thought Christmas gave me a pass till Easter.'

'It's been a mad house ever since the image of Elvis was seen on the wall after I primed it.'

'I know you haven't seen me.. your last sermon was so good, it lasted me an entire year!'

Sermon about 20 minutes

Sunday sermon: 'Dearly beloved, restore our faith in the almighty dollar.'

"Fantastic service, lousy food."

"Today's message really convicted me Preacher. Good thing church is only once a week."

'As a professional discount, I require you to say only two hail Marys.'

"Let us bow our heads, turn off our cell phones, and pray."

Yonder: Roll Call Every 15 Min.

'A group of Jennifer Lopez's fans want us to make her a saint!' 'Really? A halo of J-Lo?'

Collection plate at church with signs of the credit cards the church will take.