Occasional Worshipper Gifts

'Pastor, 'confirmed' means we only have to attend church on Christmas and Easter, right?'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

Vishnu playing twin neck guitar.

Marilyn's Rushmore

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

Jennifer Aniston

'Remember you are dust bunny and to dust bunny you shall return.'

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

TV and man

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

'What did you say? 'The light is nothing but an ordinary streetlamp'? Oh no! My own son is an atheist??!'

Church Sign Asks If You Are Prepared for Digital Conversion.

'No, we can never actually see the big cartoonist, but he's everywhere.'

Church Parking

"Finished feeding the 5000. What do you want to do with the left over fish?"

'It's been a mad house ever since the image of Elvis was seen on the wall after I primed it.'

"My parents will come to church again if you switch to rose."

"If God wanted me to go to church he wouldn't have put football on Sundays."

'I know you haven't seen me.. your last sermon was so good, it lasted me an entire year!'

Sermon about 20 minutes

"Let us bow our heads, turn off our cell phones, and pray."

'A group of Jennifer Lopez's fans want us to make her a saint!' 'Really? A halo of J-Lo?'

'As a professional discount, I require you to say only two hail Marys.'

Yonder: Roll Call Every 15 Min.

"Fantastic service, lousy food."

Sunday sermon: 'Dearly beloved, restore our faith in the almighty dollar.'

Collection plate at church with signs of the credit cards the church will take.

'It looks so lifelike!'

Erda