Weekend Worshipper Gifts

'Hey, why don't You make the Sabbath on Saturday, and then on Sundays we can play golf!'

"I guess I missed more Sundays than I thought."

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Vishnu playing twin neck guitar.

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."

Fitness in church.

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

Ohm sweet Ohm

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

TV and man

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

'Amen will do ... You don't need to do the wave.'

Church Sign Asks If You Are Prepared for Digital Conversion.

Church Parking

"Finished feeding the 5000. What do you want to do with the left over fish?"

"If God wanted me to go to church he wouldn't have put football on Sundays."

'I know you haven't seen me.. your last sermon was so good, it lasted me an entire year!'

Yonder: Roll Call Every 15 Min.

"Fantastic service, lousy food."

"Let us bow our heads, turn off our cell phones, and pray."

Sunday sermon: 'Dearly beloved, restore our faith in the almighty dollar.'

Sermon about 20 minutes

'Pastor, 'confirmed' means we only have to attend church on Christmas and Easter, right?'