Whimsical Worshipper Pillows

'Remember you are dust bunny and to dust bunny you shall return.'

"Finished feeding the 5000. What do you want to do with the left over fish?"

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Vishnu playing twin neck guitar.

Drive-thru Church

Marilyn's Rushmore

'It's a statue of St. Francis of Assisi. I had it specially made for my hospital.'

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

Jennifer Aniston

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

"Sosa's great, but McGwire is my hero."

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

Church Sign Asks If You Are Prepared for Digital Conversion.

'No, we can never actually see the big cartoonist, but he's everywhere.'

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

'It's been a mad house ever since the image of Elvis was seen on the wall after I primed it.'

Church Parking

Surgeons high-five spectators as they enter emergency room.

'I know you haven't seen me.. your last sermon was so good, it lasted me an entire year!'

"If God wanted me to go to church he wouldn't have put football on Sundays."

Sunday sermon: 'Dearly beloved, restore our faith in the almighty dollar.'

"Fantastic service, lousy food."

Sermon about 20 minutes

'As a professional discount, I require you to say only two hail Marys.'

'A group of Jennifer Lopez's fans want us to make her a saint!' 'Really? A halo of J-Lo?'

'Mom! Can my role model stay for dinner? He's suspended for three games and has nowhere to go.'

"She's a natural,apparently she still believes in faries and Santa Claus!"

Dapper clown.

Collection plate at church with signs of the credit cards the church will take.

'Pastor, 'confirmed' means we only have to attend church on Christmas and Easter, right?'

'It looks so lifelike!'