Whimsical Worshiper Pillows

'As a professional discount, I require you to say only two hail Marys.'

"He's Behind You!"

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Vishnu playing twin neck guitar.

Drive-thru Church

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

Monk and Bible and Devil Page Marker

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

'It's a statue of St. Francis of Assisi. I had it specially made for my hospital.'

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

"Sosa's great, but McGwire is my hero."

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

TV and man

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

"Repent, lest the axe of judgement fall upon thee."

"Father Fondell. . . your confessional is ready."

Church Sign Asks If You Are Prepared for Digital Conversion.

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

Church Parking

God feeding the angels.

"Finished feeding the 5000. What do you want to do with the left over fish?"

'I know you haven't seen me.. your last sermon was so good, it lasted me an entire year!'

"If God wanted me to go to church he wouldn't have put football on Sundays."

"Fantastic service, lousy food."

'Mom! Can my role model stay for dinner? He's suspended for three games and has nowhere to go.'

Sermon about 20 minutes

Dapper clown.