Modern Worshiper Gifts

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

TV and man

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

"Let us bow our heads, turn off our cell phones, and pray."

Vishnu playing twin neck guitar.

Marilyn's Rushmore

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

Jennifer Aniston

'Remember you are dust bunny and to dust bunny you shall return.'

Fitness in church.

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

". . . and don't forget to like and subscribe to my channel. Amen."

Priest's computer screen reads: 'e-confession. Please type 10 Hail Marys ... and no cut'n'paste ...'

Church Sign Asks If You Are Prepared for Digital Conversion.

'Here's the state of the art gym, here's the coffee bar and internet cafe ... oh, yeah - and this little thing over here is the new sanctuary.'

'No, we can never actually see the big cartoonist, but he's everywhere.'

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

"Finished feeding the 5000. What do you want to do with the left over fish?"

'It's been a mad house ever since the image of Elvis was seen on the wall after I primed it.'

"Things have been pretty quiet around here since folks started worshipping online."

"If God wanted me to go to church he wouldn't have put football on Sundays."

'As a professional discount, I require you to say only two hail Marys.'

"I've never seen the congregation praying this hard."

'A group of Jennifer Lopez's fans want us to make her a saint!' 'Really? A halo of J-Lo?'

Collection plate at church with signs of the credit cards the church will take.

'Pastor, 'confirmed' means we only have to attend church on Christmas and Easter, right?'

The New Gods

'It looks so lifelike!'

While watching Mass at home during the pandemic, dad gets the bright idea of taking up a collection.

"I guess I missed more Sundays than I thought."