Modern Worshiper Pillows

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

TV and man

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

"Let us bow our heads, turn off our cell phones, and pray."

Vishnu playing twin neck guitar.

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

Fitness in church.

Priest's computer screen reads: 'e-confession. Please type 10 Hail Marys ... and no cut'n'paste ...'

". . . and don't forget to like and subscribe to my channel. Amen."

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

Church Sign Asks If You Are Prepared for Digital Conversion.

'Here's the state of the art gym, here's the coffee bar and internet cafe ... oh, yeah - and this little thing over here is the new sanctuary.'

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

"Finished feeding the 5000. What do you want to do with the left over fish?"

"If God wanted me to go to church he wouldn't have put football on Sundays."

"Things have been pretty quiet around here since folks started worshipping online."

'As a professional discount, I require you to say only two hail Marys.'

"I've never seen the congregation praying this hard."

'Pastor, 'confirmed' means we only have to attend church on Christmas and Easter, right?'

"I guess I missed more Sundays than I thought."

I stick with the celebrity instructors. If I heard of them, I sign up with them.

Christmas cracker goes 'ping' instead of 'bang'.

"He's Behind You!"