Church Expansion Gifts

Growing Churches

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

"We're experienced an extraordinary amount of growth this year."

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"I guess for me family planning is just a study in fertility."

'She speaks 6 languages and can't say 'No' in any of them. . .'

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

'Let us pray...'

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

'I thought people were quite receptive to the change seminar.'

'I've moved from being cautiously optimistic to being optimistically cautious.'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

"Wait -- I have an app that creates a napkin to write the contract terms on."

The Sleeping Congregation.

Vicar wearing sunglasses.