Church Going Gifts

"I AM committed to church. I go sometimes, once in a while, and every now and then."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Early Piety

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

Priest

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

'Let us pray...'

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

"That's our new church mascot."

Verger Works

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'