Church Maintenance Worker Gifts

Church losing its bell

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"He loves his leaf blower."

The witch of the west again showed no water usage for the month.

Gondolier skimming up leaves in pool.

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

Cleric with bible briefcase.

"Freshly ground pepper?"

Not much money, glory, or praise

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

'Well, that's fixed that.'

'It's not as picturesque as the old steeple but it's saving a fortune in electricity bills!'

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

Nun Binning the Devil

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

CCTV in church.

Clearing the castle's moat.

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"All right, pal, I'm just saying, that's what I'd do if it was my Large Hadron Collider."

"It's a cup holder."

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

Time Clock

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

'What do you call money that slides off the collection plate?'

'No it's still not fixed'

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."