Church Worker Gifts

"I can't quite remember - Do I ding or dong?"

People bell ringing - 'RING TONES'

'They're not hymn numbers - she's showing off her figure!'

''The knitting circle are playing their part in our heating effficiency programme.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"...and Lord, we thank You for blessing Farmer Finkel with an abundant bean harvest...and thus our new pews."

A group of women concerned about a priest climbing a ladder

REALLY boring sermons

"Experience!"

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

'Er... vicar - does the church have a position on the donation of GM vegetables for the Harvest Festival?'

'I can't believe it. The same woman who sends me to my room for staining my clothes just donated money for stained glass.'

'Good morning, Vicar - are you decent?'

'Put it back. This isn't a 'Take a Penny, Leave a Penny' dish.'

Nun Binning the Devil

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'

CCTV in church.

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"Made it!"

"Do you have any experience?"

Weeping statue being offered box of tissues

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

"Son of God or not, no one comes to church dressed like that."

"Father Michael has a wicked sense of humour."

"Don't forget to turn on the wifi before the contemporary service."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Due to a breakdown in communication, 'Nilla Wafers' will be used for the communion service."

"It's a cup holder."

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

Poor Box IOU

If the confessionals a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'!!!"

Ingoldsby Legends - Bishop and Vagrant

Industry and Idleness - The industrious apprentice performing the duty of a Christian.

The Church-Going Bell.