Church Staff Gifts

Regular Confession and Express Booth.

"Cutting edge stuff, Mrs Bellamy - Cordless Bell Ringing."

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

Priest and lady in confessional.

'Buy you new equipment? Are you kidding? Our budget is already so tight that we have a kazooist because we can't afford an organ.'

'I understand the new usher is in the restaurant business.'

The Pet Parson

'We were forced to leave our last church when some visitors took our seats.'

Fitness in church.

Ding Dong.

116 DAYS WITHOUT A COMPLIMENT

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

'This is God I Missed you in church last Sunday.'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'There'll be a special meeting of the board concerning the recent generous contribution of stock.'

Foolproof Sound System

There are plenty of great jobs for women in the Catholic Church!

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

"I guess I missed more Sundays than I thought."

"You might need to pep up your sermons, Pastor Bob. Members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

"You take an offering "EVERY" week?"

"Thank you for the collection. We know you can't take it with you, so we'll send it on ahead!"

The Good News, the Media Nothwithstanding

Arrow Church

"No thanks, I've retired from attending church."

"The new trend in worship services is replacing smoke machines with anti-virus fumigators."

"After the traditional service make sure you replace the styrofoam coffee cups with paper ones with the fancy sleeves before the contemporary service people arrive."

"Great news pastor, we can just use the WiFi from the bar across the street."

"You're correct, God doesn't need your tithe, but the church does."

Christmas choir

"Hello Harry, is your heating on the blink again?"

'What do you call money that slides off the collection plate?'

"Remember, it's dong after ding except when it's bling. Then it's bong."

"It's bad enough you left your phone on during the church service, but did "Highway to Hell" have to be your ringtone?"

'Miss Allen, have we scheduled a blessing of the animals?'