Church Maintenance Pillows

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

Neighbor Leaf Wars

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

Cleric with bible briefcase.

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

'It's not as picturesque as the old steeple but it's saving a fortune in electricity bills!'

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

Nun Binning the Devil

CCTV in church.

Lazy plumber.

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"It's a cup holder."

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

Church In and Out Trays 'Lord Giveth' and 'Taketh away'

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

People bell ringing - 'RING TONES'

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

"Go back! The place is full of mold!"

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

"Walking down here and asking if I can get you some more detergent from the store is just the beginning of my fence-mending agenda."

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'