Maintenance Gifts

'Please report any drips to maintenance immediately.'

'My grandfather always used to say 'Son, if it ain't dysfunctional, don't attempt preemptive maintenance intervention on it.' Or something like that.'

Lazy plumber.

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

"This doesn't exactly fill me with confidence, I must admit."

'Yep, it's just what I suspected: You've sprung a leak in the main corporate coffee supply line!'

'If you can smile when everything around you is going wrong... you're probably in the repair business!'

Out of Order (passengers in elevator are upside down).

'Now then, what seems to be the problem?'

"Go back! The place is full of mold!"

'I'm not breaking line. I'm the elevator repairman.'

'Somebody in here order a light bulb?'

Duct Cleaning

'The custodian is venting again.'

Lawn mower - must get longer cable

"It's times like this I wish I was ore than just an armchair plumber."

Man cleans car but not his dirty children

'It's our last resort.'

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"Just principal will suffice, Ed."

Chimney Sweep

"Next time your engine knocks, answer it."

"Dad...face it...you need to buy a new car."

Drastic Oil Change

'Here's your problem - you need more air in your tires for better gas mileage...'

Frank's trouble light lives up to its name.

"I'm at the dealership topping off my fluids while my car gets an oil change."

Mechanic working on a hearse flees from falling skull

"No, your laptop turning red isn't a new, cool feature. It's red because it's hot. When is the last time you cleaned it?"

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."

"We can't tell yet if it's a malfunction or a dysfunction."

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

"Neglected, his body slowly deteriorated until suddenly, he bursts open, innards flooding the floor."

"Am I rusting? I think one of my sections is sinking. Oh, no! I thought I heard the gate squeak."