Routine Maintenance Gifts

"You again?"

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

Mechanic looking under the hood of a car.

Deflator mouse

Neighbor Leaf Wars

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

"I'd like a new tire for my 1976 Chevy Chevette."

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

It's only firing on 87 cylinders!

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

"Lovely dovetail."

Home De-Po. Things you need for your project. Things you didn't know you needed until you were halfway through your project.

"One more rinse and the inside of your car will be clean too, Dad."

'Everything is automatic. The coffee turns on at 7:00...They go to work at 7:25 and we go up and get in their bed.'

'You raised the price of air to 50c!' 'Inflation.'

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

'Wilbur took really, really good care of his car.'

"It took a lot of work to build this car..."

Kid about scratched up car to dad: 'I made a mistake washing the car with a brillo pad.'

"2 for 1 special: Clean, polish, buff, seal"

"You're developing a nice, rich compost down here."

'Well OF COURSE I rotate the tires! How do you think I got here?'

'If I was this car I wouldn't let you in the drivers seat!'

Lazy plumber.

'Goodness, the potholes are deep this year, aren't they?'

"We're having a little trouble with our hydraulic lift. I guess my question is, do you still want your muffler replaced?"

Car wash / Mouth wash

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

'Whatever happened to 'Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.''

"Washing your car will cause it to rain – science or superstition? We investigate on the next 'Cause and Effect.'"