Car Maintenance Gifts

'Well, for starters, I think it's about time for an alignment job.'

Man uses a kite in lightning to start his car.

'I think this explains the funny noises coming from your engine.'

Tune up $90. Tinker $20.

'It's $900 to fix the brakes ...or $10 to make the horn louder.'

'We'll have to check your car for pre-existing conditions.'

"Thanks for fixing the muffler."

Speed Limit 20 MPH. Enforced by Potholes.

"We're having a little trouble with our hydraulic lift. I guess my question is, do you still want your muffler replaced?"

'Tell Dr. Swan his car is resting comfortably.'

'I'm after a longer dipstick. This one doesn't reach the oil anymore.'

'I should've known better thank to park my car anywhere near where you dock your boat.'

Car wash / Mouth wash

'Did you say 39 or 93?'

'Yes, I did give it an oil change myself. I changed to a healthy low calorie oil with no transfats.'

'My advice, keep the oil, change the car.'

'It should be changed every 3000 miles? Better change it three times, then.'

"Uh...not to be bossy, but I wouldn't do it that way."

"I can't get into specifics about your bill - that's operational."

"Check the catalytic converter while you're in there, please."

Mechanic's workshop.

'I'm checking for rust.'

"Here's your problem."

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

'The alarm didn't go off, my car wouldn't start, missed the bus, my back's aching, haven't had a raise in two years ...'

'Why do you keep watering it, Dad? - It's not going to grow larger!'

'All this car needs is a little love and affection.'

"Of course I mind, but it's the only way I get to see him"

Mechanic to man: 'Let's just say that it needs a battery with citric acid.'

'Would you mind throwing out some of your spare motorcycle parts? I'd like to park my car in the garage.'

'Don't forget to check the loose nut behind the wheel.'

Kurt couldn't understand why the dummy light was on.

Washing the car? Cloud seeding.

"The replacement part is $28, but cost will be $3,200 after we dismantle half the engine to install it."

WHEN MANNERS COUNTED'Dad, Nigel would like to apologize."