Car Maintenance Gifts

'Well, for starters, I think it's about time for an alignment job.'

'I think this explains the funny noises coming from your engine.'

Man uses a kite in lightning to start his car.

'The rust problem turned out to be more extensive than we expected.'

Tune up $90. Tinker $20.

"Thanks for fixing the muffler."

'It's $900 to fix the brakes ...or $10 to make the horn louder.'

Speed Limit 20 MPH. Enforced by Potholes.

'We'll have to check your car for pre-existing conditions.'

"We're having a little trouble with our hydraulic lift. I guess my question is, do you still want your muffler replaced?"

'Tell Dr. Swan his car is resting comfortably.'

'I should've known better thank to park my car anywhere near where you dock your boat.'

'I'm after a longer dipstick. This one doesn't reach the oil anymore.'

'Yes, I did give it an oil change myself. I changed to a healthy low calorie oil with no transfats.'

'Did you say 39 or 93?'

'My advice, keep the oil, change the car.'

Car wash / Mouth wash

"Uh...not to be bossy, but I wouldn't do it that way."

'It should be changed every 3000 miles? Better change it three times, then.'

'All this car needs is a little love and affection.'

Mechanic to man: 'Let's just say that it needs a battery with citric acid.'

'I'm checking for rust.'

"I can't get into specifics about your bill - that's operational."

Washing the car? Cloud seeding.

"Here's your problem."

Mechanic's workshop.

Kurt couldn't understand why the dummy light was on.

'Why do you keep watering it, Dad? - It's not going to grow larger!'

'Don't forget to check the loose nut behind the wheel.'

"Check the catalytic converter while you're in there, please."

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

'Would you mind throwing out some of your spare motorcycle parts? I'd like to park my car in the garage.'

'The alarm didn't go off, my car wouldn't start, missed the bus, my back's aching, haven't had a raise in two years ...'

'Whatever happened to 'Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.''

"You'll have to change it on the move - the sale ends in an hour."