Auto Maintenance Gifts

'D.N.A. tests show that the fuel pump doesn't belong to this car.'

Regular servicing protects your warranty, and your family from psycho mechanics.

Gas tank is holding up a customer for money 'Fill 'er up!'

'It's not just a funny noise, ma'am, it's a very expensive funny noise.'

Strategic Wiper Adjustments: "Up just a tiddle..."

'My electric car is giving me static!'

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

Mechanic looking under the hood of a car.

"Would you please step into the garage? Your car and I need to have a word with you."

Deflator mouse

"Take me to your mechanic."

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

It's only firing on 87 cylinders!

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

'I said they're good, but expensive.'

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

"You might be interested in our encounter group for people with transmission problems."

CLEAR!

Organic Soldering.

'According to the diagnostic computer, your problems are due to El Nino.'

"If I were a surgeon, Mr. Ferguson, which I ain't, and your car was my patient, which it ain't—except that it is, in a funny sort of way; that is, if you want to look at it like that; you know what I mean—and you was her husband, I'd have to say, 'Sir, your wife is going to need a valve job.,"

'I tell you what: If it weren't for the headrest, I would have serious whiplash right now...'

'A 50's vintage automobile...a billiards room. YOu, my firend, have got it all.'

"We located the hissing noise, Mr. Watkins. Your wife's mother is in the back seat."

'Rats, I don't think we'll ever get this thing going: It's flooded again...'

'You raised the price of air to 50c!' 'Inflation.'

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

The Small Business Advisor: 'The first bit of advice I'd give you for your garage start-up is to tell your dad'

'You got clowns in your engine. That's what's making them funny noises.'

"You're developing a nice, rich compost down here."

'If I was this car I wouldn't let you in the drivers seat!'

'I'm sorry, but I don't know anything about external combustion engines.'

"Nothing serious - just some twenties stuck in your crankshaft."

'Well OF COURSE I rotate the tires! How do you think I got here?'