Automotive Maintenance Gifts

"Fa-la-la-la-la,la-labor $95 an hour."

'The only service I could give this would be a funeral service.'

"Good news...turns out it was just your battery!"

"How would you like to pay? Cash, VISA or endowment mortgage?"

'It's a British car. Needs braces.'

"Would you please step into the garage? Your car and I need to have a word with you."

10-Minute Oil Change and 2-Hour Wait.

'Looks like there's a problem with the cat' converter!'

"Having trouble stopping huh? Ah well, them's the brakes."

"The vibration may be a drive shaft problem – or opportunity."

'Don't do that, Mom...Dad will be home soon.'

I've got my antifreeze.

Travel Pills.

'I told you to wind up your windows!'

"This is ridiculous. $2.50 to air up a tire. Inflation is even affecting inflation."

Have you installed the heater?

Mechanic checking oil.

'You are right, Lady. Your brakes are bad.'

'You're a quart low.'

'I'll say this for it - It keeps him out of the house.'

Garage "Now then, squire, what would you like first - the bad news, or the really, really bad news?"

School bus. Al's Garage. The wheels on the bus go $90.95, $90.95, $90.95

Man scraping the snow off his car greets neighbour who is scrapping off advertisements.

Motor Co - It's from Head Office, we've all got to be Crypton tuned.

'Oh well, I had to take it in to get the oil changed anyway.'

'Yes,we can get it off but it will cost a little extra.'

I hate to tell you this, but that's a can of maple syrup, not motor oil.

"You again?"

Service. Diagnostic Testing. It looks like your odometer computer hacked into your fuel injector computer.

Are you going to wax your car, Frank? No --- I don't want to finish something I can't start. (Published originally on November 5, 2007.)

You're all set - We topped off your fluids, replaced your filter, and emptied your cache.

We flushed your arteries, checked your fluids, and topped off your AB positive, but look at this kidney - When's the last time you had it replaced?

Mechanic looking under the hood of a car.

"Take me to your mechanic."

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."