Automobile Repair Gifts

"That metallic grinding means her throwout bearings are shot. She's backfiring through her carburetor. The tick indicates transmission trouble, and the smoke means she's on fire."

'Drat! I better take her in. The check engine light just went off.'

"I don't know what's wrong, but, if you open and close the hood like this, it looks like your car is talking."

Rust test in progress.

'Hey, Earl, do we stock the rear end for a '57 Caucasan?'

'Rats, I don't think we'll ever get this thing going: It's flooded again...'

Car crash.

'This may take more work than we thought.'

'Not the repair manual. Bring me the book of mechanics' curse words.'

'You are to bring in the whole tractor, not just the part being recalled.'

"Can you check the heated drivers seat."

'Your car's ready, but drive carefully for awhile. I had to give the student an 'F' for the work he did on it.'

'New right wing panel, £450.'

Amino acid. Shampoo with amino acid, I said, not battery acid.

"We did everything possible, doc, but I'm afraid your car passed away during the night!"

'Would Sir like his squeak to be pleasing?'

'They don't make cars like this any more -- the country that built them disappeared.'

Car Repairs.

'Automobilia Now: Lemon and Lemonaid.

"There's no charge—the grinding sound you hear when you're driving is coming from your wife's teeth."

"Hi Tom, it's Earl at the garage. It looks like you've got salsa in your crankcase."

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

"Would you please step into the garage? Your car and I need to have a word with you."

"Take me to your mechanic."

'I said they're good, but expensive.'

"You might be interested in our encounter group for people with transmission problems."

It's only firing on 87 cylinders!

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

CLEAR!

Organic Soldering.

'A 50's vintage automobile...a billiards room. YOu, my firend, have got it all.'

The Small Business Advisor: 'The first bit of advice I'd give you for your garage start-up is to tell your dad'

Is this for wiping greasy hands?

'If I was this car I wouldn't let you in the drivers seat!'

When Tia Carmen says... "A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner" it means "I can fix it with a hammer."