Christmas Idealist Gifts

Book about the real meaning of Christmas is on sale.

Tree in Dollar Shape.

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

"What did you just say? Did you just say 'Christmas'?!!"

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'

"This year let's choose a Christmas card design that reflects the situation the country is in. Let's go for a design that says: Bah humbug!"

He Sees You When You're Sleeping

'My brother got all the glory. For me it was Randolph with your nose so pink, you really make my sleigh team stink.'

"God, I miss the old days!"

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

"We had no sherry so I left him some of your dad's home brew instead."

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

'He's determined not to enjoy himself this Christmas.'

"The woman I marry will be beautiful, a great cook, intelligent, pleasant and rich."

"I told the carol singers where to go in no uncertain terms, so that's saved us some money!"

"How can Santa eat all those cookies and drink all that milk in one night? Well, like everything else when it comes to Santa, it's magic. . ."

Santa's elevator

'I hate Christmas!'

'He was just the same with my frankincense - more interested in the box!'

'Ye sayth 'Happy Holidays', not 'Merry Christmas'! Ye shall burn at the stake!'

"I haven't been good, but I have good as a goal."

"If Santa knows when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake...is he with the CIA?"

"It was never about the presents - it's about the power."

For Santa's Drone

"Excuse me, but will you be long?"

Christmas in the Streets.

Christmas Eve Night

Three kings riding a red nosed reindeer

Chimney-Greasing Santa

"This Thanksgiving, we're going to serve whatever we can get from the food bank."

'Petey? Petey? I can't sleep. I'm too excited.'

Do you think Santa will be making a stop at Tiffany & Company tonight, Lance? Sorry to disappoint you, Gloria, but I spotted Santa's sleigh in the parking lot of Kmart & Company earlier.