Christmas Traditionalists Gifts

For Santa's Drone

'Nothing from China this year, okay?'

Elfie Stick

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

Trick or Tweet

Christmas sweater alternatives

'Call Me Old-Fashioned, But I Liked It Better When They Didn't Shave Their Armpits.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

'After a Gadzillon glasses of milk and cookies who wouldn't have an upset stomach?'

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

The First 3-D Thanksgiving

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

"We encourage Theo to challenge clichés and mediocrity."

"Have you given any thought to legacy and sustainability?"

"Room for bigger presents."

Luddite Zoom.

"...and most of all, thank you for pre-cooked holiday meals from the supermarket!"

"I don't care what your father said, Santa likes milk and cookies NOT beer and pretzels!"

"God, I miss the old days!"

"We had no sherry so I left him some of your dad's home brew instead."

"Doesn't it seem like we just finished letting the air out of last year's tree?"

'Turkey's okay, but most of the trimmings are vegetables.'

"I've decided to forgo expensive gifts with acts of apathy."

"It's just not the same."

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

I heard a rumor that he's going to deliver presents using drones this year! I hope not! Drone technology is far less reliable than Rudolph and the other reindeer! And besides, Christmas eve won't be the same if the sound of sleigh bells is replaced by the buzzing of a drone! My big brother said if I don't make his bed for him every day, he'll hack into Santa's database and put me on the "naughty" list. I've never trusted his computer system. And e-mail. I ask for presents with a hard-copy

The night of the return

An Amazon drone crashes into Santa's sleigh

'Skip the meal more room for dessert!'

'Sometimes Rudolph, I can't help but feel Christmas is getting too complicated!'

"I thought you might like to have a merrier brain for the new millennium!"

"We represent a North Carolina trade association and we'd like to file suit against the Native Americans for introducing our clients to a certain agricultural product."

"Your daddy had all the trimmings, son, our nation's highest honor."

"On the basis you have nothing to give thanks for this past year, what say you spare us the chop?"

"Just answer the question, sir. Is it true that you're not planning to watch 'It's a Wonderful Life' this holiday season?"