Holiday Traditionalists Gifts

Keep Christ in Xmas.

"Doesn't it seem like we just finished letting the air out of last year's tree?"

"...and most of all, thank you for pre-cooked holiday meals from the supermarket!"

"Boss, I know the nice list and I know the naughty list, but what about this third list?"

"I'm sorry, but my costs were way out of control."

Elfie Stick

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

Christmas on Other Planets.

Christmas sweater alternatives

The First 3-D Thanksgiving

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

"Will she know what this is in reference to?"

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

"We encourage Theo to challenge clichés and mediocrity."

"Tis the season to be jolly!"

"Room for bigger presents."

"God, I miss the old days!"

'Turkey's okay, but most of the trimmings are vegetables.'

Child Testing Santa Claus's Generosity

Christmas Eve at Mr. Wardle's

"I've decided to forgo expensive gifts with acts of apathy."

"It's just not the same."

I heard a rumor that he's going to deliver presents using drones this year! I hope not! Drone technology is far less reliable than Rudolph and the other reindeer! And besides, Christmas eve won't be the same if the sound of sleigh bells is replaced by the buzzing of a drone! My big brother said if I don't make his bed for him every day, he'll hack into Santa's database and put me on the "naughty" list. I've never trusted his computer system. And e-mail. I ask for presents with a hard-copy

"We had no sherry so I left him some of your dad's home brew instead."

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

'Sometimes Rudolph, I can't help but feel Christmas is getting too complicated!'

"What time does the Black Friday parade begin?"

"I want my job back."

"Just answer the question, sir. Is it true that you're not planning to watch 'It's a Wonderful Life' this holiday season?"

"On the basis you have nothing to give thanks for this past year, what say you spare us the chop?"

"We represent a North Carolina trade association and we'd like to file suit against the Native Americans for introducing our clients to a certain agricultural product."

"Your daddy had all the trimmings, son, our nation's highest honor."

"Oh my! Kids, don't eat the house too quickly!"

Angry Santa Letter

"He's my relative from Hawaii."