Festive Traditionalists Gifts

Covid 19 Christmas Nativity Scene.

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

Elfie Stick

Mrs Claus - North Pole Dancing.

Yo ho ho!

The Problem with On-the-fly Christmas Caroling

"We'll see how it goes. It's Santa's first year with the genetically modified deer."

Classic Emojis for sale.

Christmas sweater alternatives

'Call Me Old-Fashioned, But I Liked It Better When They Didn't Shave Their Armpits.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

"As you can see, I've learned the alphabet."

The First 3-D Thanksgiving

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

"I believe I you, Bigfoot."

'Let's open presents Christmas Eve AND morning. That way Christmas lasts for TWO days.'

Merry Kissmas

"We encourage Theo to challenge clichés and mediocrity."

'I agreed to guide you, My contract says nothing about pulling a sleigh,'

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'

"The other reindeer sent me back to the smoking section."

"I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

"Pull over, Rudolph! We'll have to charge the electric sleigh again..."

"...and most of all, thank you for pre-cooked holiday meals from the supermarket!"

Elf of the Month

Luddite Zoom.

"Room for bigger presents."

Safe Christmas.

Santa and reindeer in line with shadows

Poinsettia

"Why the hell aren't you writing all this down?"