Yuletide Traditionalist Gifts

"Just answer the question, sir. Is it true that you're not planning to watch 'It's a Wonderful Life' this holiday season?"

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

Elfie Stick

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

Trick or Tweet

Christmas sweater alternatives

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

The First 3-D Thanksgiving

"Will you only promise the children toys that can be brought at this store?"

"Room for bigger presents."

"...and most of all, thank you for pre-cooked holiday meals from the supermarket!"

Hoo Hoo Hoo Merry Christmas!

"God, I miss the old days!"

"I've decided to forgo expensive gifts with acts of apathy."

"I'm the designated driver."

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

"Doesn't it seem like we just finished letting the air out of last year's tree?"

"We had no sherry so I left him some of your dad's home brew instead."

Eskimo putting fake snow on his Christmas tree

'Sometimes Rudolph, I can't help but feel Christmas is getting too complicated!'

'The shepherds couldn't make it!'

"Your daddy had all the trimmings, son, our nation's highest honor."

"I want my job back."

'I'm facing unemployment! The world is running out of nice kids!'

Angry Santa Letter

The Second Thanksgiving.

'Hey, honey! Come look at all these scary mortgage lenders and Wall Street bankers!'

'He was just the same with my frankincense - more interested in the box!'

'... And I even made turpentine sauce.'