Yuletide Traditionalist Gifts

"Just answer the question, sir. Is it true that you're not planning to watch 'It's a Wonderful Life' this holiday season?"

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

Elfie Stick

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

Trick or Tweet

Christmas sweater alternatives

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

The First 3-D Thanksgiving

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

"We encourage Theo to challenge clichés and mediocrity."

"Will you only promise the children toys that can be brought at this store?"

"Room for bigger presents."

"...and most of all, thank you for pre-cooked holiday meals from the supermarket!"

Hoo Hoo Hoo Merry Christmas!

"God, I miss the old days!"

"I've decided to forgo expensive gifts with acts of apathy."

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

"Doesn't it seem like we just finished letting the air out of last year's tree?"

Eskimo putting fake snow on his Christmas tree

"We had no sherry so I left him some of your dad's home brew instead."

I heard a rumor that he's going to deliver presents using drones this year! I hope not! Drone technology is far less reliable than Rudolph and the other reindeer! And besides, Christmas eve won't be the same if the sound of sleigh bells is replaced by the buzzing of a drone! My big brother said if I don't make his bed for him every day, he'll hack into Santa's database and put me on the "naughty" list. I've never trusted his computer system. And e-mail. I ask for presents with a hard-copy

"It's just not the same."

"I'm the designated driver."

'Sometimes Rudolph, I can't help but feel Christmas is getting too complicated!'

'The shepherds couldn't make it!'

"On the basis you have nothing to give thanks for this past year, what say you spare us the chop?"

"I want my job back."

"Your daddy had all the trimmings, son, our nation's highest honor."

'I'm facing unemployment! The world is running out of nice kids!'

Angry Santa Letter

The Second Thanksgiving.

'Hey, honey! Come look at all these scary mortgage lenders and Wall Street bankers!'

'Ye sayth 'Happy Holidays', not 'Merry Christmas'! Ye shall burn at the stake!'

'He was just the same with my frankincense - more interested in the box!'