Christmas Idealist Pillows

Book about the real meaning of Christmas is on sale.

Tree in Dollar Shape.

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

"What did you just say? Did you just say 'Christmas'?!!"

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'

"This year let's choose a Christmas card design that reflects the situation the country is in. Let's go for a design that says: Bah humbug!"

He Sees You When You're Sleeping

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

"God, I miss the old days!"

"We had no sherry so I left him some of your dad's home brew instead."

'He's determined not to enjoy himself this Christmas.'

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

"How can Santa eat all those cookies and drink all that milk in one night? Well, like everything else when it comes to Santa, it's magic. . ."

"I told the carol singers where to go in no uncertain terms, so that's saved us some money!"

"The woman I marry will be beautiful, a great cook, intelligent, pleasant and rich."

Santa's elevator

'I hate Christmas!'

'He was just the same with my frankincense - more interested in the box!'

"If Santa knows when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake...is he with the CIA?"

"I haven't been good, but I have good as a goal."

"It was never about the presents - it's about the power."

For Santa's Drone

Christmas in the Streets.

Christmas Eve Night

"There are never sleigh tracks on our roof, or soot tracks on our carpet. Maybe you're just fake news?"

"This Thanksgiving, we're going to serve whatever we can get from the food bank."

Three kings riding a red nosed reindeer

'Petey? Petey? I can't sleep. I'm too excited.'

Chimney-Greasing Santa