Whimsical Christmas Mythologist Pillows

Santa's elevator

'That's right Bill, I caught the Gingerbread Man...'

'Five seconds! ...Four ...Three ...Two ...One ...SPRING!!'

'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'

"Actually, Sally, my name isn't Mrs. Santa Claus... It's Barb. I'm not defined by my husband."

He Sees You When You're Sleeping

It must be December again -- I just had a vision of sugarplums.

'My brother got all the glory. For me it was Randolph with your nose so pink, you really make my sleigh team stink.'

A group of ladies fearful to leave their cab as the cabman has mistletoe on his hat

'Son, you're old enough now to know, there's no such thing as Christmas.'

'I'm not saying that global warming is a reality...'

'Sorry Son, I might be the fastest animal on land, but I don't think I could catch the Gingerbread Man...'

"I told the carol singers where to go in no uncertain terms, so that's saved us some money!"

'Big Issue!'

Happy St Pancakes Day!

'Moon Jumper One, you are entering restricted Christmas airspace. ABORT!;

'Number two - can you say: 'Screw the milk and cookies...where's the VCR?' In a cheerful, jolly voice?'

"Y' know Sir - Red really is your colour..."

Santa's Nightmares

Three Wise Women: 'Then at about six weeks or so you can probably expect a touch of colic...'

"Peace on earth. Goodwill to all men and who ordered the triple cheese with extra pepperoni?"

'That's right Bill, I caught the Gingerbread Man...'

"If you can't bring me cash, bring me stuff I'll be able to sell on eBay.!

"I'm sorry, Rudolph, but empathetic soulsource crystal navigation has made that nose of yours pretty much obsolete."

Santa falls on hard times: 'Numbskulls! I said use lady's stockings!'

'About this patriarchal middle-class morality of yours....'

'These are Trans-Fat free, right?'

"If Santa knows when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake...is he with the CIA?"

Virgin Mary reads card: 'SORRY! The Angel Gabriel called to bring you glad tidings of great joy, but you were out.'

"It was never about the presents - it's about the power."

Scrooge's last christmas - 'A goose boy. I want a nice big goose!'

"Life was a LOT easier before AI and the 'Internet of things'!"

Chimney-Greasing Santa

"I believe you're Santa, but Spike isn't so easily convinced."

Gingerbread Men Fear Santa.