Xmas Philosopher Gifts

Boxing Day is Coming

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

Lemniskate

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

'All this is nuthin! There was one yeaw up noth...when it snowed fah two yeaws! I had t'dig down ten feet t'haul in my lobstah traps.'

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

'I don't believe in myself any more.'

Contradictory Phil

He Sees You When You're Sleeping

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

'It's almost time to get the cross-country skis out and dust them off.'

Holiday Shopping for Guys

'What's all this 'naughty or nice' jazz? ? Haven't you ever heard of situational ethics?'

"I like the Easter Bunny - I find him less judgmental than Santa Claus."

" ... And the kids only like me for my presents."

"Oh look Harold, a flower shop!"

"The year may be over, but it'll be dragged back up on history tests for years to come."

"Repent, lest the axe of judgement fall upon thee."

'Does Santa have skype?. . . I'd like to get in some face time, so he puts me at the top of his list come December. . .'

'I don't really believe in Santa Claus anymore, but I don't want to disillusion my parents.'

Xmas Labour Shortage

'Year after year I play Santa, and I still don't know how to give.'

"I told the carol singers where to go in no uncertain terms, so that's saved us some money!"

Santa's elevator

'Well it was a pretty good year.'

"All I know is that some of the best Christmas presents I've ever gotten have come from secular humanists."

'I'm facing unemployment! The world is running out of nice kids!'

"Mom, if nothing in life is free, how do you explain Christmas presents?"

"Naughty? Nice? It's a bit more nuanced than that..."

"I'm looking for something that expresses the spirit of the season but doesn't neglect the need for a credible deterrent."

"It was never about the presents - it's about the power."

'Frankly, I don't know what to believe. They say if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is.'

"And this is where the magic happens."

'Thinking INSIDE the box is actually quite underrated!'