Festive Philosopher Gifts

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

"I like the Easter Bunny - I find him less judgmental than Santa Claus."

'I don't believe in myself any more.'

"I wonder which is more eco-friendly..."

'Have you tried switching it off and on?'

" ... And the kids only like me for my presents."

'Well it was a pretty good year.'

'Frankly, I don't know what to believe. They say if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is.'

'How come I never see you in church?'

"Even my mother and father never believed in me."

"Keep running bunny! Someday people will finally forget what Christmas and Easter were about."

"The year may be over, but it'll be dragged back up on history tests for years to come."

'Go to bed. I'm too busy to get into a debate over whether or not I exist.'

'Of course the rate of depression goes up on Christmas. The malls are closed.'

"Baldo, think about it. What is the true meaning of Christmas?"

"Repent, lest the axe of judgement fall upon thee."

All I want is a little good news.

'For an opposing view to last night's editorial on the Spirit of Christmas, here's that well-known industrialist, Ebeneezer Scrooge...'

"All I know is that some of the best Christmas presents I've ever gotten have come from secular humanists."

Santa Rebukes a Naughty Child

Sisyphus, Holiday edition

"I've been pretty good. Which I'm sure you'll agree is good enough for all but the most tyrannical extremist."

"Obviously, behind all the jolliness there's a lot of rage."

'I'm facing unemployment! The world is running out of nice kids!'

"I tried to be good, but there are no decent role models these days."

"There ain't enough room in this season for the both of us."

"Don't mind me."

"I want to believe in Santa Claus, but it's tough in this post-fact, fake news era."

"I'm looking for something that expresses the spirit of the season but doesn't neglect the need for a credible deterrent."

"Repent, lest the Axe of Judgement fall upon thee!"

"I don't care what your teachers taught you about moral relativism. In my world there's naughty and there's nice."

'I don't really believe in Santa Claus anymore, but I don't want to disillusion my parents.'

"Naughty or nice? I thought in a post-fact world, anything goes?"

"Mom, if nothing in life is free, how do you explain Christmas presents?"

"Sorry, no 'Ho Ho Ho' because it could spread covid."