Holiday Philosopher Gifts

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

The Thinking Santa

"'Naughty or nice'? - Is that like Yin and Yang?"

'I hate all holidays!'

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'

'I don't believe in myself any more.'

DNA Xmas.

Contradictory Phil

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

"This year let's choose a Christmas card design that reflects the situation the country is in. Let's go for a design that says: Bah humbug!"

Santa using the stock exchange to keep track of stocks and bonds being good or bad as well as going up or down

'It's almost time to get the cross-country skis out and dust them off.'

'He's determined not to enjoy himself this Christmas.'

Turkey going away for Christmas.

'Times are hard so these will have to be presents for Christmas and birthday combined!'

'What's all this 'naughty or nice' jazz? ? Haven't you ever heard of situational ethics?'

"I like the Easter Bunny - I find him less judgmental than Santa Claus."

" ... And the kids only like me for my presents."

'The shrink said my holiday was hereditary - my family.'

"The year may be over, but it'll be dragged back up on history tests for years to come."

"Repent, lest the axe of judgement fall upon thee."

Xmas Labour Shortage

'I don't really believe in Santa Claus anymore, but I don't want to disillusion my parents.'

'Year after year I play Santa, and I still don't know how to give.'

'Well it was a pretty good year.'

'I'm facing unemployment! The world is running out of nice kids!'

'I hate Christmas!'

"All I know is that some of the best Christmas presents I've ever gotten have come from secular humanists."

'This is the fourth single woman to attack the Valentine's display this week.'

Stuffed.

"Mom, if nothing in life is free, how do you explain Christmas presents?"

Academics At the Beach

"I'm looking for something that expresses the spirit of the season but doesn't neglect the need for a credible deterrent."