Post-holiday Philosopher Gifts

'Tell your brother to stop it before Dill starts crying.'

Sally woke up with a headache. This house didn't look familiar. There was a rug burn on her forehead. Three good reasons to quit drinking.

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

'It's almost time to get the cross-country skis out and dust them off.'

The End is Relative

"You could always make me laugh but you didn't."

'What's all this 'naughty or nice' jazz? ? Haven't you ever heard of situational ethics?'

"Bob returned to the office after the shut down and found his lucky bamboo plant had flourished."

"Would it have killed you to shave first?"

'Buddy, I'll get stinking rich... yesterday, I took out an insurance against pneumonia!'

'All I hope for is that the weekdays don't ruin my weekend.'

"I dreamed my parents were still alive."

MAN OF THE YEAR, 'You must come here a lot.'

"It was never about the presents - it's about the power."

"And this is where the magic happens."

"Beats hanging around the water cooler."

'Does this bed have a sleep number?'

December 26th . . . The Returns

"I'll have a pastrami on rye!"

"Don't let the new boss catch you having a cigarette break...there's a rumour he watches his staff like a hawk!"

Walt's train of thought left at 9:05. He wasn't on it.

"So weird not wearing a mask."

"Your dad is still shy... He turns off the light before he takes off his mask!"

"I understand your concern, but you don't have to wear that suit when getting on a public website. That's not how germs are spread."

Well, you know what they say? Aspire to inspire before you expire.

"We allow him to use the vending machine as his desk. He was making so many trips to it it only made sense."

"And remember, dear, if you want to know the time don't ask a policeman."

"Do we even have a garbage disposal?"

Isn't it nice to exchange some good old-fashioned germs again?

"Oh, I'm feeling alright. My post holiday elation is cancelling out my seasonal affective disorder."