Holiday Critic Gifts

"You know I don't celebrate Valentines."

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

More proof that Christmas has become way too commercial.

'...Lord, remember those greedy retailers who...are making folks like my mom work on Thanksgiving...'

"Greedy bastards."

'I hate all holidays!'

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

Bad gifts

'Where were the wise women?'

Dollar Sign Christmas Tree.

'Christmas dinner's almost ready dear.'

'I think its being tapped.'

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

The composer of the 'Twelve Days of Christmas' song.

"This weekend is seriously messing with some of my previously held beliefs."

"I've never hated Christmas, just people."

"Sales of our festive toilet cleaner have gone through the floor...it makes you worry that people have forgotten what the festive season is ALL ABOUT!"

'...Then we thought, stuff Christmas, the world is full of naughty brats anyway.'

"I just keep getting this urge to say 'Bah Humbug'!"

'Hey Larry! Jim here! Haven't seen you since way last Christmas! How the heck are ya, dude?'

'Santa's blotto.'

'I don't like this!'

Secular Holy Days

Santa's family holding firearms

'This is the fourth single woman to attack the Valentine's display this week.'

'Despite what they sing, I don't think Christmas is really the season to be jolly...'

'What I like about Christmas is that wonderful feeling of freedom when it's all over.'

'Of course I believe in Santa. Just not a publicly funded one.'

'Don't try to kid me - that whole Rudolph thing is just a publicity stunt, isn't it?'

'Frankly, I don't know what to believe. They say if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is.'

'... But, if he knows when I'm sleeping and when I'm awake, isn't that an infringement of my right to privacy?'

"Staff, we're having a Cinco de Mayo sale this year!"

"And this is where the magic happens."