Christmas Critics Gifts

Ernie, the Christmas trees you're selling are terrible! Customers will be left endlessly questioning why they bought one! That's why the flyer says these trees will "create a holiday wonder-land"! They're very dry. It's an extreme fire hazard! The flyer says "Make it a bright Christmas." I think people will shout with joy when one of these trees is finally removed from their home. That's the "holiday cheer" I mention. And termites that can infest an entire house will be left behind! You

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

'Where were the wise women?'

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

Father Christmas deciding whether the Tory Party are naughty or nice.

"I told the carol singers where to go in no uncertain terms, so that's saved us some money!"

"I just keep getting this urge to say 'Bah Humbug'!"

'Hey Larry! Jim here! Haven't seen you since way last Christmas! How the heck are ya, dude?'

'What I like about Christmas is that wonderful feeling of freedom when it's all over.'

'Despite what they sing, I don't think Christmas is really the season to be jolly...'

'About this patriarchal middle-class morality of yours....'

'This is the fourth single woman to attack the Valentine's display this week.'

"And this is where the magic happens."

"Just another silly programme this Christmas."

Christmas carol: 'Blow your budget stuff your trolley, tr-la-la-la-laaa-la-la-la-la...'

Today, Human Rights Watch sued a man named Santa Claus for discrimination against his employees by calling them 'dwarfs'.

Santa Sucks

"You know I don't celebrate Valentines."

'No. Why should I give you my autograph?. You'll only sell it on eBay!'

'Santa is real, but I can't decide if he is the New Black or 50 Shades of Grey!'

Christmas Sale Special

'Do you ever wonder where elves come from?'

"My lawyer will present my case that I was definitely 'nice'."

"First, I'll need to see an audited statement of revenue and expenses."

Baaa...humbug.

Naughty Or Nice? Didn't You Read My Blog, 'Playing By The Rules Is For Dummies?'

Lighting of the President-Elect

'I blame the 'X' Factor.'

"Bah, humbug! It's not just for Christmas anymore."

Two Boys Dressed As Gentlemen.

Spama Claus.

"Looks like we won't be needing you this year...we got our own gifts!"

"Sorry, no....apparently, being forced to listen Jingly Jangly Christmas music while shopping doesn't violate your human rights..."

Wallowing in elf pity...