Christmas Mythologist Gifts

Chimney-Greasing Santa

He Sees You When You're Sleeping

'That's right Bill, I caught the Gingerbread Man...'

'Five seconds! ...Four ...Three ...Two ...One ...SPRING!!'

"Actually, Sally, my name isn't Mrs. Santa Claus... It's Barb. I'm not defined by my husband."

'Son, you're old enough now to know, there's no such thing as Christmas.'

A group of ladies fearful to leave their cab as the cabman has mistletoe on his hat

'I'm not saying that global warming is a reality...'

'Sorry Son, I might be the fastest animal on land, but I don't think I could catch the Gingerbread Man...'

"Y' know Sir - Red really is your colour..."

'Number two - can you say: 'Screw the milk and cookies...where's the VCR?' In a cheerful, jolly voice?'

'Moon Jumper One, you are entering restricted Christmas airspace. ABORT!;

Santa's Nightmares

"I told the carol singers where to go in no uncertain terms, so that's saved us some money!"

Santa's elevator

Three Wise Women: 'Then at about six weeks or so you can probably expect a touch of colic...'

'These are Trans-Fat free, right?'

'That's right Bill, I caught the Gingerbread Man...'

"If Santa knows when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake...is he with the CIA?"

"I'm sorry, Rudolph, but empathetic soulsource crystal navigation has made that nose of yours pretty much obsolete."

'About this patriarchal middle-class morality of yours....'

Virgin Mary reads card: 'SORRY! The Angel Gabriel called to bring you glad tidings of great joy, but you were out.'

"It was never about the presents - it's about the power."

"I believe you're Santa, but Spike isn't so easily convinced."

"Life was a LOT easier before AI and the 'Internet of things'!"

'I'll be down in a mo. I'm filling in for the partridge who is on a toilet break.'

'I've been thinking about this whole Santa thing.'

Scrooge's last christmas - 'A goose boy. I want a nice big goose!'

'Have your nymph call my nymph.'