Christmas Lore Gifts

'My brother got all the glory. For me it was Randolph with your nose so pink, you really make my sleigh team stink.'

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

"Heavens above no, I'm not the angel of the Lord. I'm the landlord from the Angel. I wondered if you fancied a pint."

Papa, how come Rudolph has a red nose? Because he's a drunk, son. Plain and simple.

He Sees You When You're Sleeping

'Son, you're old enough now to know, there's no such thing as Christmas.'

"Hey Ed, take a look at this...more sleigh bells...what is this thing?"

"Gold ended the day on a new high, while frankincense and myrrh both opened well but faded as the markets closed."

'Skip the meal more room for dessert!'

T'was the night before the night before Christmas.

'Why miniature reindeer? Why not a flying dog-sled team?'

"I told the carol singers where to go in no uncertain terms, so that's saved us some money!"

Santa's elevator

"It's time we have a little chat."

"I'm sorry, Rudolph, but empathetic soulsource crystal navigation has made that nose of yours pretty much obsolete."

Christmas Tree Decorated with Books.

'My dad, says you're not the real Santa. He said, you're just some fella off the dole.'

"Kids on the right, elves on the left."

'It doesn't say anything about gift tax, son. It just says the Magi came bearing gifts.'

"It was never about the presents - it's about the power."

The oft-forgotten Three Old Wines who didn't quite manage to follow the star.

'Sorry we're late, we lost three days following one of those Chinese lanterns.'

Ghost of Happy Holidays Future

Twas 6 days before Christmas when Santa heard a ker-plunk! He rushed to the door, and found the ice cap had shrunk...

Chimney-Greasing Santa

Santa Claus

'For the last time...turn that light off and go to sleep!'

'I've been thinking about this whole Santa thing.'

Gingerbread Men Fear Santa.

'We're looking for a star, and I truly believe that star could be you...'

"Hey, Dad. We almost caught Santa last night!"

'A child was abducted from our nursery.'

'Is there really a Santa Claus? That depends - are we talking about the man or the brand?'

'Don't try to kid me - that whole Rudolph thing is just a publicity stunt, isn't it?'

'Did they have to stay in a stable because their family credit had been cut, like ours?'