Christmas Lore Gifts

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

"Heavens above no, I'm not the angel of the Lord. I'm the landlord from the Angel. I wondered if you fancied a pint."

Papa, how come Rudolph has a red nose? Because he's a drunk, son. Plain and simple.

He Sees You When You're Sleeping

'Son, you're old enough now to know, there's no such thing as Christmas.'

"Hey Ed, take a look at this...more sleigh bells...what is this thing?"

"Gold ended the day on a new high, while frankincense and myrrh both opened well but faded as the markets closed."

'Skip the meal more room for dessert!'

'Why miniature reindeer? Why not a flying dog-sled team?'

"I told the carol singers where to go in no uncertain terms, so that's saved us some money!"

T'was the night before the night before Christmas.

Santa's elevator

"It's time we have a little chat."

Christmas Tree Decorated with Books.

'My dad, says you're not the real Santa. He said, you're just some fella off the dole.'

'It doesn't say anything about gift tax, son. It just says the Magi came bearing gifts.'

"I'm sorry, Rudolph, but empathetic soulsource crystal navigation has made that nose of yours pretty much obsolete."

"Kids on the right, elves on the left."

"It was never about the presents - it's about the power."

'Sorry we're late, we lost three days following one of those Chinese lanterns.'

The oft-forgotten Three Old Wines who didn't quite manage to follow the star.

Chimney-Greasing Santa

'I've been thinking about this whole Santa thing.'

Twas 6 days before Christmas when Santa heard a ker-plunk! He rushed to the door, and found the ice cap had shrunk...

Ghost of Happy Holidays Future

Santa Claus

'We're looking for a star, and I truly believe that star could be you...'

"Hey, Dad. We almost caught Santa last night!"

'A child was abducted from our nursery.'

'Is there really a Santa Claus? That depends - are we talking about the man or the brand?'

"Are you the ghost of past, present or Christmas yet to come?"

'Did they have to stay in a stable because their family credit had been cut, like ours?'

'Don't try to kid me - that whole Rudolph thing is just a publicity stunt, isn't it?'