Christmas Myths Gifts

No one cares any more whether you believe in Santa or not...these days it's all about climate change!!

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

"Heavens above no, I'm not the angel of the Lord. I'm the landlord from the Angel. I wondered if you fancied a pint."

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

He Sees You When You're Sleeping

'My brother got all the glory. For me it was Randolph with your nose so pink, you really make my sleigh team stink.'

'Son, you're old enough now to know, there's no such thing as Christmas.'

"Hey Ed, take a look at this...more sleigh bells...what is this thing?"

It happened on Christmas Eve

"Gold ended the day on a new high, while frankincense and myrrh both opened well but faded as the markets closed."

'Skip the meal more room for dessert!'

"I told the carol singers where to go in no uncertain terms, so that's saved us some money!"

'I spend the winter in Sarasota now, since I sold my entire list to telemarketers.'

Santa's elevator

"No more for him, he has to drive."

"I'm sorry, Rudolph, but empathetic soulsource crystal navigation has made that nose of yours pretty much obsolete."

"It's time we have a little chat."

"If Santa knows when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake...is he with the CIA?"

Ghost of Happy Holidays Future

'Illegal immigrant.'

'For the last time...turn that light off and go to sleep!'

Chimney-Greasing Santa

Gingerbread Men Fear Santa.

Book about the real meaning of Christmas is on sale.

"There are never sleigh tracks on our roof, or soot tracks on our carpet. Maybe you're just fake news?"

'We're looking for a star, and I truly believe that star could be you...'

Naughty Or Nice? Didn't You Read My Blog, 'Playing By The Rules Is For Dummies?'

'Is there really a Santa Claus? That depends - are we talking about the man or the brand?'

'Did they have to stay in a stable because their family credit had been cut, like ours?'

"Ebenezer, relax – there are no 'spirits.' It was me, and I have to go outside."

"Looks like we won't be needing you this year...we got our own gifts!"

'Go to bed. I'm too busy to get into a debate over whether or not I exist.'

'So you were born in a manger. This is a primitive area. I was born in a chicken coop.'