Christmas Mythologist T-Shirts

Chimney-Greasing Santa

He Sees You When You're Sleeping

'That's right Bill, I caught the Gingerbread Man...'

'Five seconds! ...Four ...Three ...Two ...One ...SPRING!!'

It must be December again -- I just had a vision of sugarplums.

"Actually, Sally, my name isn't Mrs. Santa Claus... It's Barb. I'm not defined by my husband."

'My brother got all the glory. For me it was Randolph with your nose so pink, you really make my sleigh team stink.'

'Son, you're old enough now to know, there's no such thing as Christmas.'

A group of ladies fearful to leave their cab as the cabman has mistletoe on his hat

'I'm not saying that global warming is a reality...'

'Sorry Son, I might be the fastest animal on land, but I don't think I could catch the Gingerbread Man...'

"I told the carol singers where to go in no uncertain terms, so that's saved us some money!"

'Big Issue!'

'Number two - can you say: 'Screw the milk and cookies...where's the VCR?' In a cheerful, jolly voice?'

'Moon Jumper One, you are entering restricted Christmas airspace. ABORT!;

"Y' know Sir - Red really is your colour..."

Santa's Nightmares

Santa's elevator

Three Wise Women: 'Then at about six weeks or so you can probably expect a touch of colic...'

'These are Trans-Fat free, right?'

"If Santa knows when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake...is he with the CIA?"

"I'm sorry, Rudolph, but empathetic soulsource crystal navigation has made that nose of yours pretty much obsolete."

"If you can't bring me cash, bring me stuff I'll be able to sell on eBay.!

Santa falls on hard times: 'Numbskulls! I said use lady's stockings!'

'About this patriarchal middle-class morality of yours....'

'That's right Bill, I caught the Gingerbread Man...'

Virgin Mary reads card: 'SORRY! The Angel Gabriel called to bring you glad tidings of great joy, but you were out.'

"It was never about the presents - it's about the power."

Scrooge's last christmas - 'A goose boy. I want a nice big goose!'

Gingerbread Men Fear Santa.

"I believe you're Santa, but Spike isn't so easily convinced."

'I'll be down in a mo. I'm filling in for the partridge who is on a toilet break.'

Santa: 'Will Work for Milk and Cookies.'

'I've been thinking about this whole Santa thing.'

"Life was a LOT easier before AI and the 'Internet of things'!"