Celestial Satirists Gifts

Thus saith the Lord to Earth: 'Thou art cancelled!'

'Now they want to know what you've done for them SINCE the Big Bang.'

'You owe income tax, social security tax, and of course, death tax.'

Priest's 'To do' list.

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

"I'm just glad we got out before interest rates went up again."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

Water is discovered on the moon....

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

'It's all done with computer animation now.'

"And where do you see yourself in the next 7-8 billion years?"

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

'Those are the Divinity students.'

How James and John became known as "Sons of Thunder".

The Ten Really Cool Facts

'Even More Disciples'

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

"Many of us are worrying, Brother Daniel, that you've become too clothes conscious."

'Any chance these are available in paperback?'

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"