Celestial Satirist Gifts

"I hate my fans."

"If this is a sentimental tribute, I'm gonna vomit."

"It's always about YOU."

"How dare they defy me by doing what I predestined them to do!?!"

Shooting Star

'You can't take it with you means your cellphones too.'

'Don't sweat it pal - you can always appeal. I'm a lawyer. I'd be happy to take on your case- pro bono, of course.'

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

"Private property." "Warning. We don’t forgive those who trespass against us."

Bouncer picks out good-looking woman in queue for heaven. Man says: 'This, I did not expect.'

'Maybe I give off a little ammonia, but at least I don't smell like people!'

'Would you prefer smoking, or non'

'First the Berlin Wall comes down, and now this!'

'Sorry -- that's not on our list of approved churches.'

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

Church urges rethink on air traffic control

'The Dow is oer 4,000. What the hell are we doing here?'

'Gee, I never expected to find this problem here too!'

'You're a disgrace to the uniform!'

'Eight hundred million channels and there's still nothing good on!'

'Oh, I don't care who - Anybody but a taxpayer.'

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

Halo Theft

'Everything checks out OK...let's see your proof of insurance.'

'From creating stuff like this you make a LIVING?'

"He says masks are mandatory to enter. Should we try the other place instead?"

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

"I'm just glad we got out before interest rates went up again."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'